The Anthem

Everyone stood up for the anthem, except a middle-aged Muslim man. Even as the anthem played, people looked at him with disgust.

When the anthem finished and all sat down, one asked him, “Couldn’t you stand up for our anthem?”

He replied, “Sorry, I lost a leg in the Kargil war fighting for our country.”

Set back your clock by 2 hours every day

We all tend to lead a procrastinated life these days. But this procrastination stems from a deeper psychological imprint in our mind owing to how we perceive our time at home and at work. It is a vicious loop much like the serpent swallowing its own tail. The cause becomes the effect, and the effect becomes the cause.

Now let us take the starting point as our waking up in the morning.

We wake up two hours later than we ought to. This delays our immediate activities accordingly. We eat a late breakfast, hardly have time for our family and rush to the office, two hours late. Our morning work is thus pushed and we end up having a late lunch.  Because we had a late lunch, we end up pushing our afternoon work into the evening, and thus end up finishing office two hours later than we ought to. We arrive home late, and have a late dinner. We then want time for the family, so we take some time out, chatting with the family. Then a little later we realize that we have not given ourselves any time in the day. We then take that time out of the night, spend it catching up with friends online, or reading something, or on anything else that give us the illusion of a self-gratifying day. However, we only end up going to sleep much later in the night than we ought to. And thus the cycle begins again from the top of this paragraph.

The beginning of the above paragraph was the cause and it progressed into the effect as it went forward. Now if you read the paragraph from the bottom line to the top, then you will notice that it again went from the cause to the effect, both ways.
Everything we do is connected and has a cascading impact in our future time.

Set your clock back by those two hours now. You will notice that time then becomes an investment as it will give you back many minutes in return.

Three things in life that you must use with care as they have the capability to reduce are – Money, Time and your grey cells. Spend it wisely only on the needed things, and you will save a lot even with what you have.

Set back your clock by two hours every day and that will set your life in order.

Hollywood Cliches

We all love watching Hollywood movies. Some of us even hold Hollywood movies at a higher plane compared to Indian movies because we believe that Hollywood movies are made by very talented people and always scripted very well. But over the years when you have actually watched many movies, you cannot help but notice certain clichéd dialogues which actually become an irritation with their overuse across movies.

 

Here are some of the most common clichés that I have adapted for an Indian scenario where a wife goes into the bathroom early morning and finds a huge cockroach on the wash basin. Panic sets in and she calls out to her husband for help in dealing with the cockroach. What happens next? Read on.

 

Wife walks into the bathroom early morning. Just as she is about to brush her teeth, she finds a huge, flying cockroach right above the wash basin. That literally petrifies her. 

 

(Note: for added dramatic effect, you can make the cockroach a genetically modified one that can breathe fire also. You can also name it - Indominus Unobtainus Roaches). 

 

Paaru: Rahul, come here quickly. You gotta take a look at this. (Cliché #1 – dialogue immediately creates a suspense which interests the viewers)

 

Rahul: What is it Paaru? Why are you calling me in the middle of my early morning workout? This better be important (Cliché #2 – protagonist initially ignores the threat only to be totally focused about it later on)

 

Just as Rahul enters the bathroom saying this, he too notices the cockroach. Being a science-zoology nerd and associate professor of zoology as well, it is only second nature for Rahul to make informed intellectual conclusions about what he is dealing with (Cliché #3 – protagonist happens to have the exact required knowledge on the subject matter that the movie is dealing with. Example, In “The Martian”, it was so convenient that Mark Watney happened to be a botanist as well so that he could grow potatoes on Mars!)

 

Rahul: Oh my God! That species belongs to the Blattodea order. It’s been around for the last 320 million years but never thought one would stray so close to civilization! (Cliché #4 – throw in some scientific terminologies to make it all sound very intellectual as well as ominous. Viewers are dumb anyway. They would not realize that it was just a common cockroach. Bring in prehistory here to make the cockroach a cousin of the T-Rex)

 

Paaru: So, who do we call? (Cliché #5 – Even if there is really no need to call anybody and also one really does not know that many people to call, still adding this dialogue instantly converts the situation into a global tragedy)

 

Rahul: Everybody. (Cliché #6 – This further makes the problem a universal one! Call everybody right from the milkman to the President of the US, so that all of them can discuss and tackle the problem on a common platform. Come on, just call those that are really needed to fix the problem already)

 

Rahul yells out to Kuppanna, the portly neighbour. Kuppanna yells back asking what the problem is. All this while the cockroach is patiently waiting to see what would happen next. Paaru is yet to brush her teeth as well.

 

Rahul: Kuppanna, we have a situation here (Cliché #7 – never directly tell what the problem is. Beat around the bush so that there is some movie time going on until they come to the point. It builds the suspense, thinks the screenwriter. But actually irritates the viewers.).

 

Kuppanna : What is it? You are not coming through clearly.

 

Rahul: We have a roach (Cliché #8 – always use slangs. Don’t stick with normal English. Even in threatening situations, let us Americanize everything)

 

Kuppanna: Shall I bring my chappal to kill it?

 

Rahul: NO. We need something big. REALLY BIG (Cliché #9 – When you talk about weapons, always use words like “something really big”. It does not matter if you don’t specify the exact weapon model. The other person will automatically make the connection and bring the exact weapon needed to deal with the threat)

 

Just as the cockroach is about to take off because it is bored to death, Kuppanna rushes in with a big broomstick. Rahul is happy for the reinforcements.

 

Rahul: Welcome to the party (Cliché #10 – All tough people always makes the fights look so easy. So they call it a party)

 

Kuppanna : Yeah bro, where are the drinks? (Cliché #11 – Bring the ‘Bro’ slang to show how cool people are in such a grave situation. Also can be used to show how military guys treat each other as family. Also, in such grave situations, throw in some silly humour to make the overall scene look cool, just like Kuppanna’s stupid question about the drinks! Preferably Kuppanna can also break in through the window, with glass flying around, for dramatic effect, rather than through the main door that Rahul can quickly open.)

 

Kuppanna beats the sh** out of the cockroach. It lies dead on the wash basin, after receiving nearly 50 deadly blows by the broomstick. Paaru and Rahul are hiding behind the shower curtain. Paaru is yet to brush her teeth. In a shaking voice she asks Kuppanna…

 

Paaru: Is it over? (Cliché #12 – when one of the supporting characters asks this question, it is to basically convey that the opposite of it is going to happen. It will make the situation very ominous and make the viewers anxious about what would happen next)

 

Kuppanna: No, it is only the beginning. (Cliché #13 – This sets the stage for the rest of the movie. The protagonist or the supporting character has just unleashed something so deadly. Now it is going to take a lot more broomsticks, er…I mean weapons, to stop the rampage)

 

Kuppanna had not even completed the sentence when a dozen cockroaches flew out of their hiding places. They were all high-tech, radar-enabled cockroaches who only wanted to escape through the window. But Kuppanna had his broomstick slashing about and in no time downed all the cockroaches. (Cliché #14 – No matter what the odds are, the protagonist always wins with his knowledge, wit and weapons)

 

Kuppanna is sweating blood. He has bloodstains all over his face after the fierce battle (Cliché #15 – the more the blood, the more it makes the battle look gory. You can throw in blood even in a verbal battle. The viewers won’t bother anyway.)

 

Rahul is standing next to Kuppanna. Paaru slowly comes out from behind the shower curtain. She sees all the toiletries scattered on the floor. Her toothpaste tube is on the floor with the cap open. The paste has been squeezed out. The brush handle is broken. She sees devastation all over. And she has still not brushed her teeth. She also sees the completely damaged broomstick, with all the loose sticks hanging out. Looking at the broomstick, she asks.

 

Paaru: So where do we go from here? (Cliché #16 – Clichéd question at the end of any disaster movie, as it is important for the viewers to know that these idiots are going to be okay after all the destruction that has happened)

 

Rahul: We rebuild. That’s what we have always done. And be prepared for the future. (Cliché #17 – Rahul meant putting together the broomstick again. But in the movie, it is almost always to show the greatness and power of their own country, and the thought that they can rebuild their country again from any devastation, while all the other countries will be standing around doing nothing, except having their thumbs in their mouth. Also, this gives the viewers a 360 degree viewing satisfaction as they are now assured that the idiots are safe. Moreover, this also leaves the option for a sequel in the last line about being prepared for the future)

 

This is how you make Hollywood disaster movies in which one particular country saves the rest of the world.

Say No to Linear Model of Income!

As far as revenue is concerned, while product companies have almost always followed a non-linear model of revenue, service industries have predominantly stuck to a linear model. A linear revenue model is one where revenue from a project/division is dependent on the number of resources deployed and the amount of effort expended. So service industries basically recruit and deploy more employees in order to increase their revenue growth. However in a product company, the team expends a one-time effort to design and develop each product. After the product is put into the market, the product earns revenue multiple times over the efforts and costs expended in developing it. This is non-linear revenue model of revenue.

 

But now even service companies are shifting towards a non-linear revenue model by automating their operations, focusing on reusability and retaining only the core-skilled employees. Then why are we still working on a linear model of income? 

 

While no such term exists, I would say, a linear model of income is the salary you get (or the money you earn) only until you physically work for it. So if a person holds a salaried job until his retirement age, then he is drawing salary in linear model until then. A linear model gives a satisfaction of accomplishment and a sense of being prepared initially, but will not be effective in the long run, especially when one works in a private organisation that is devoid of benefits that one can otherwise enjoy working in a government or public sector.

 

So what kind of investments does a private company employee think of to improve his financial status? 

 

Here are some of the top investment/saving mechanisms that salaried professionals are going after these days:

 

Provident Fund and its derivatives

Mutual Fund Investments

Real estate

 

Provident Fund is seldom used for the purpose it is meant. Most of us close PF accounts when shifting companies so that we put the money to some other emergency use at that point of time. Now let us assume that a person starts working in a private organisation at the age of 25 and retires at 58, putting in 33 years of service. Let us assume an average PF saving of Rs.10000 per month (employee and organisation contribution together) for all the years (please note that I am considering it as an average). So it is Rs.1,20,000 per year on PF savings. And it would amount to approximately 40 lakhs at the time of his retirement assuming that he has not withdrawn PF amount during his earlier working years. If the person lives to a good 85 years of age, then 40 lakhs is not going to be sufficient for his sustenance over the next 27 years post retirement.

 

Now how about mutual fund investments? The story is more or less the same here too. A good percentage of us invest in mutual funds basically to evade tax. Assuming that a person is able to afford two investments that amount to a premium of Rs.10,000 per month, which would be Rs.1,20,000 per year, then the sum assured in most cases is around five lakhs per investment at the end of the maturity period. I am considering a regular 5- or 7-year term policy that matures in 20 or 25 years. Again, such a policy is not going to provide enough funds to sustain life post retirement, while it can help you evade income tax and provide you some coverage in case of death or accident.

 

Now on to real estate. Everyone is more than eager to tap the real estate market as soon as they land themselves a job, thanks to effective marketing as well as our own nature to compare our lives with that of others. We believe that real estate is the real deal, an appreciating asset that we can always rely on. That is actually a myth. Real estate is actually a liability, and its value is fluctuating, based on market conditions. Moreover, even if you consider it to be an appreciating asset, you will make a profit out of it only if there are buyers. When the economy goes down and money is scarce, almost everyone who owns a property is going to consider selling it based on their financial situation. With supply more than demand, the prices will be bargained and takers for the property are not going to be easy to come by. Also, with money put into real estate, the funds you are going to have for the above-mentioned investments is going to be tight as well. And the sad part here is, you purchase a property considering it an asset, let it out for rent thinking that the rent will pay for the EMI and continue to live in a rented house yourself. With inflation and escalating real estate prices, the rent from a property will never equal the monthly loan payments for the property. And finally you end up shifting to your new own house after it is a few years old already.

 

Now that we have seen how the above ‘investments’ will actually work out for a salaried professional, let us consider the typical psyche of the salaried professional. We want to believe that our salary is going to sustain us, pay for all our wants and needs, and also provide savings for the rainy day in the future. We try so hard to believe that we are making the right investment decisions based on the brochures and the marketing talk sold to us by investment executives. We have no idea what it’s actually like to retire from a private firm (I’ve written my views about it in an earlier note in Facebook). We think that we can make good all these financial challenges by taking up onsite opportunities. While it works out for a few, not everyone can land themselves in an onsite role. And with the new outsourcing policies in discussion worldwide, there are challenges in that as well now.

 

Most often, the logical route a salaried professional will take post retirement is to invest his money and try to get a regular income from it. However it is not the age to take financial risks. And it is definitely not a suitable age to start thinking afresh about starting up a business. While nothing is impossible, it is still very challenging at that age to move to a non-linear income model when you have been used to a linear income model most of your life.

 

This is why we need to adopt a mindset to set up a non-linear mode of income for ourselves much ahead in our life, when we are still young and healthy. While you can continue to be employed, it is always wise to consider setting up some business alongside, even if at small scale, to open up an income channel. And make any expenditure using the income from the business and reserve the salary for investments using the other modes I mentioned about above

 

With employments becoming a challenge, competition increasing, inflation exploding and society shrinking, it is important to discover those additional ways of income rather than depend on one source of income: your salary.